Your older child was so excited about the new baby. But, now that your baby has arrived, he is uncooperative and sometimes acts like a baby, himself. Meanwhile, you’re trying to control your youngest as she starts to throw tantrums and learns the word “no.”
During this live, online class, we will help you to: – understand why your kids are acting up – create routines that prevent challenging behaviors from emerging – promote cooperative relationships between your baby and everyone else in the family – implement easy, everyday practices that make for a peaceful home
Presenter: JoAnn Robinson, PhD
MICHELLE FIRESTONE, Chronicle Staff Writer
MANSFIELD — In today’s world, digital technology can sometimes feel like it has taken over our lives.
Wednesday evening, Aaron Weintraub, a behavior specialist at Holiday Hill Day Camp & Recreation Center in Mansfield, told a group of Mansfield Middle School parents that, while digital devices can be used for educational purposes, use of the devices can also lead to social isolation. He encouraged parents to restrict their child’s use of social media and digital devices and use meal times to “reconnect.” “Establish some rules based on your values,” Weintraub said during a workshop at the middle school.
The workshop was presented by Peace At Home Parenting Solutions, a Storrs-based program that aims to teach good parenting techniques.
Weintraub said parents should consider whether “work time” is separate from “play time” when reviewing their child’s “screen time.” He defined “screen time” as time spent on smart phones, tablets, computers, televisions and video game systems. Weintraub said parents should be “following the rules” they set for their children as much as possible. “I turn my screen off a half-hour before bed because I know it’s going to affect my ability to fall asleep,” he said.
Shannon Sion, the mother of a seventh-grader and a fifth-grader at MMS, said she used to try to get her children to stop watching television. Now, she wants them to watch it, but do so together. “The irony of it to me is not lost,” she said. Sion said she thinks she has stricter rules and stricter time limits for digital device usage than other parents. However, she said she understands her oldest child needs to use digital devices sometimes for school. Sion said, sometimes, her children “call her out” for her social media usage, which she uses to check a recipe or her calendar, for example. She said she tries to limit her social media time when she is with her children. “I’m using it as a resource,” Sion said. “I’m not using it for TV or movies.”
Weintraub said, historically, parents have always worried about new technology. He said before digital media, parents worried about their child’s use of radio and then television. “When I was growing up, I was limited to an hour of TV,” Weintraub said. “I only saw ‘The Golden Girls’ and ‘The Cosby Show.’”
Roxana Mocanu, the mother of a seventh-grader at MMS, said if she asks one of her children to put down their book, they are more likely to do that than shut off their screens. “They feel they are missing out and you wouldn’t get that same fear with a book,” she said.
Weintraub said “screen time” can lead to “disregulated or addictive behavior.” “Some initial studies are showing that it can have negative effects on brain development,” he said. Ultimately, Weintraub said parents shouldn’t blame themselves for their children’s use of digital devices. “These programs are addictive by design,” he said. Weintraub said there aren’t a “lot of great solutions” to monitor content on iPhones, but more are available for Android phones. Weintraub said one alternative to using digital devices is having children play with non-electronic toys. “Discovering older toys can be fun,” he said.
For more information, visit the Peace at Home Parenting Solutions website or call 1-661-PARENT-6.
Follow Michelle Firestone on Twitter – @mfirestonetc.
This article appears in our print edition and in our Chronicle e-edition (available at 4 p.m. weekdays, 8 a.m. Saturday) complete with all photos and special sections.
Read original article: https://www.thechronicle.com/stories/20190321TECHTALK.php
Dialogue from Peace at Home Parenting’s Private Facebook Page
We’re having some debate about self soothing. The doctor told us that our 4 month old son needs to learn how to self soothe in the night when he wakes up and be able to get himself back to sleep.
During the day, he sometimes cries when he is bored and wants to be held. Once we pick him up he is fine and just wants to laugh and play.
I have started swaddling him and putting him in his crib during the day when he won’t let us put him down. At which point he screams until someone picks him up.
Should we let him cry until he figures it out or should we pick him up? And how do you train a baby to self soothe to get themselves back to bed at night without practicing doing it during the day?
- Comment: My oldest will soon be 14. He was my Velcro child for the first four years of his life. We co slept with him and I had him in an ergo carrier as I needed my hands to get things done. He would nap on my back as I vacuumed (as a baby 6mnth – 2yr) or cooked dinner. He now of course sleeps in his own room and is very independent and self assured. I asked a mom who had kids that were already adults what to do. She said each child is different and if my child wants to be held then do so. That will give them the reassurance that they need to be able to separate and explore. Ironically my youngest had no interest in being held much after being an infant as he always wanted to keep up with his brother. He is now more ‘attached’ than when my oldest was the same age (elementary school age). Do what works for you and your child. As a side note skin to skin contact or holding your child/baby is great for helping them calm their nervous system down.
Someone once said to me in terms of parenting: the days can go by really slow but the years go by really fast.
- Comment: I would disagree with your doctor. 4 months is too early to expect self-soothing from all babies. Some may accomplish it but many will not. Brain science would highly recommend that you help your child soothe every time. As they grow, they may need you less and less but you don’t want their brain bathing in stress hormones from being left to cry. We tried crying it out as recommended to us for our now 19-year-old. It was stressful for all of us and not effective. Trust me, they will be in college before you know it! Give them all the love and nurturing while you can even though you are exhausted! Best wishes!
- Comment: They are only a baby once. Pick him up, love on him. That’s what he needs, and that’s what will make him feel stable and grow up knowing he is protected and loved. Our son is almost 14, our daughter is 2. Both kids got snuggles and picked up when they needed it. Every time. The 14 year old is a troubled sleeper, always has been. The 2 year old is independent and knows we will always come for her so we have no issues with bed time anymore. She lays right down and she’s out all night.
- Comment: Agree with all the above. Pick him up. Enjoy. There only little for so long. Trust your instincts.
- Comment: Personally, at four months, I feel they need the contact. We started working on self soothing when my babies were closer to eight months, it wasn’t easy! Snuggle then as much as you can, soon enough they’re in high school! Happy Parenting!
- Reply: us too 7-9 months is when we worked on this with our kiddos…and we now have an 8,5, and 2 y/o who are wonderful sleepers.
- Comment: I agree with everyone above—4 months is so young to expect self-soothing. Love on that baby! Having said this, you need to do what is best for your whole family— in other words if you need a moment, it is okay to sometimes let the little one cry. But I wouldn’t expect the baby to self soothe consistently at this age. Of course, all kids and parents are different— and thus what works for one parent-baby relationship— even in the same family—may not work for another. Hang in there! These baby days/ nights are hard but fleeting! And a key to enjoying them is not having unrealistic expectations for the baby or yourself.
Comment: JoAnn Robinson from Peace at Home Parenting: There is something magical that happens with many 4 month olds–they are becoming aware of their surroundings and want to be engaged in it. Their distance vision is improving and the world is now in focus and very interesting. Our daughter went through this…didn’t want to nap, wanted to be held and engaged. I just about lost it without those daytime naps. It lasted for a couple of months and then napping came back. The advice of your peers is good. Your doc is not entirely off-base, however. Your son may need more support to slow down and disengage from the ‘excitement’ of being awake. Help him get ready for sleep with darkened room, humming one song over and over or using a wave or rain sound maker. Use one consistent phrase that he will learn as a cue that you are leaving him. Try to have 10 days where his go-to-sleep times are not interrupted so that you can focus on the routine you want to create. He may no longer like swaddling. His arms and hands are gaining strength and purpose as his brain develops; some children cease to enjoy swaddling at this age. My children began using a pacifier at this age to help them self soothe, but our daughter especially, needed lots of time in the Snuggly carrier until she was 5-6 months old. Do children need to practice during the day what you want them to do at night? Not necessarily, although for moms who want to stop co-sleeping or having baby on them during all naps, I do recommend they practice during the day first. We’re here if you think you would like some individual coaching/support through this phase.
- Comment: Here’s a great article on the science of attachment parenting. Impact of attachment, temperament and parenting on human development
- Comment: Oddly enough, it helps with naps or bedtime if you put them down before they are cranky tired. Singing and connecting and touch in the crib make the crib a magical yummy space. I leave the room when she is happy and return to reconnect (but rarely pick her up at this point ). … Babies are building trust. She trusts that I have not left. Bit she has a happy, independent nature, and each child is unique.
- Parents are entirely responsible for when, where and what is served to children
- Children are entirely responsible for whether they eat and how much
This plan eliminates food battles and improves children’s natural abilities to notice when satisfied.
News 8 continuing our look at Positive Co-Parenting.
After Justin Michaels had gotten into a good co-parenting groove with his ex-wife, Chantel, he introduced her to his new girlfriend, Laurah.
“She was in nursing school at that point, and I’m a nurse, so we were talking about that,” remembers Laurah. “Chantel is one of the nicest humans ever, so, we got along from the start.”
Justin and Laurah got married, as did Chantel and Tyler. Suddenly, little Remi had a step-mom and a steo-dad added to the mix.
“The idea of the mother and the father and the nuclear family, that’s not the way kids are growing up now,” says Ruth Freeman, founder of Peace At Home Parenting Solutions.
She says “planning” can make co-parenting a whole lot easier.
The full interview with Freeman of Peace At Home Parenting Solutions can be viewed below:
Parent in the Moment has created a short webinar to teach you some quick, simple, actionable ways to make mindfulness a habit for every member of your family. We’ve broken down the sometimes nebulous concept of mindfulness into 5 habits:
- Be present.
- Be calm.
- Be compassionate.
- Be grateful.
We’ll show you how to practice each of these 5 habits as a parent and how to teach your children to practice them as well. Children look to the adults in their lives as models for how to calm their extreme emotions, handle conflicts, and interact with loved ones and strangers.
Exchange conflict for compromise and communication
by Sarah Cody
View at https://www.wtnh.com/on-air/connecticut-families/positive-co-parenting-part-1-exchange-conflict-for-compromise-and-communication/1731905496
BURLINGTON, Conn. (WTNH) – Divorce is difficult. Oftentimes, mom and dad need to put aside contentious feelings to make sure their child still feels stable and secure. News 8’s Connecticut Families is taking a two part look at how to co-parent in a positive way.
“There were other times when she wasn’t too happy with me but was still a good co-parent,” says Justin Michaels, of Burlington.
He, and his ex-wife Chantel, divorced when their son, Remi, was a baby.
“It can be really stressful when you’re young, both in college,” says Justin. “We owned a home, had a newborn.”
Chantel adds: “It’s hard. You have this little human being that loves both of you very much and it was hard enough to be split and share my time.”
At first, co-parenting was difficult as Justin and Chantel figured out their new relationship. They worked hard – agreeing on one thing: the didn’t want Remi to feel like he was in the middle.
“I come from a split family, so, I knew exactly what I didn’t want to do,” says Justin.
“Particularly when there’s a romantic relationship that’s broken up, that child becomes a symbol of the loss, a symbol of a lot of things,” says Ruth Freeman, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Peace at Home Parenting Solutions, a team of educators and child development specialists that offer online classes.
She says don’t make a child take sides.
You have made a miracle – no, not just your kids but making the choice to carve time out from your busy life to focus mindfully on your children and your relationship with them. I’m deeply grateful to be joining with you in this process.
If you grew up in a family where you felt safe, soothed and truly seen, this will be a piece of cake. If you are like over 2/3 of adults in the US, your childhood had some challenges and those may make this process a bit more challenging. Take your time, get support and remember this is a process. We are looking for progress not perfection.
You want your kids to listen, maybe even the first time you ask. We are going to get you there but first a few basics.
- Do you feel safe, soothed and truly seen today? Do you have connections among your family or friends that really support you?
- How well are you managing your stress? Even if you are positive with your kids, if your inner life is in emergency mode, your kids will sense that and reflect it.
You will find attached to this class some tools to help you improve self care and well-being. You may want to start there for a couple of weeks before you begin taking action steps with your kids. And even if you don’t, be kind to yourself in this process.
Remember, progress, not perfection.
So let’s get started.
What you’ll learn
- Students will be able to apply parenting strategies that increase child cooperation and confidence and reduce family stress.
Are there any course requirements or prerequisites?
- An open mind, willingness to reflect on your own behavior as a parent, readiness to make small changes in habits and the desire to have Peace in your Home!
Who this course is for:
- All parents and caregivers who seek more positive approaches to discipline and communication.
Thu, Feb 28, 20198:15 PM – 9:00 PM EST
Q&A Sessions are free for all parents and caregivers who participated in one of our live online parenting classes. Participants will have a chance to ask questions about the new approaches they are practicing as well as other issues if time allows. They will have a chance to connect with other parents, share challenges, and celebrate successes.
Presenter: Ruth Freeman
Peace at Home Parenting guidance does not stop when this live online class is over. After class, you will be invited to join our private Facebook group. There, you will have unlimited access to our team of parenting experts, who will share tips and answer parents’ questions. This Facebook community is also a place to connect with other caring parents, like you. We welcome parents to share challenges and celebrate successes.
In addition, you will receive access to free monthly “Question and Answer” sessions. During these sessions, you will be coached in applying the skills you learned in Peace at Home classes and again you will connect with other parents working to improve skills.