By Ruth E. Freeman, LCSW.
Recently, we received this message from a parent:
“I have an only child that is almost 5 years old and is very entitled. He throws temper tantrums and pushes his limits to the VERY end. He listens well to everyone except his father and me. Any ideas?”
“Entitled” children expect to “get their way” – that is to get what they want, when they want it, at least a good portion of the time.
If that is the case with your child, it is likely that his intense emotional displays cause you or your partner (or both) to periodically give in to the intense emotion. Unfortunately, your natural instinct to give in to stop the upset tends to backfire. Even if you only reward those emotional displays from time to time, that will keep them going and may lead to more intense behavior. Your attention and giving the child what they request are both enormous rewards, and you will get more of whatever behavior you reward with your attention. Continue reading
By Brynn Rosadino.
Are you ever overwhelmed by your child’s challenging behaviors?
Do you struggle to stay calm as your child escalates?
If you said yes to either of those questions, you are not alone.
Human beings are built to reflect each other’s emotions. When our children display intense feelings and behaviors, our brains naturally mirror those emotions. We start to feel stressed, angry, fearful, or overwhelmed just like our children.
When a child escalates, it is important to remain a calm center for that child. Though it may not always come naturally, we can learn strategies and coping mechanisms to help during these stressful times. Continue reading
By Amy Kostak, CFLE-P.
The teenage years are crucial to a person’s healthy development, but they can be daunting to parents. While teens are seeking more independence, parents are grasping for connection. This disconnect can result in a lot of frustration. Luckily, we have some strategies that parents can use to improve their relationships with their teens. Continue reading
By Brynn Rosadino.
With the holiday season approaching, stress tends to be at an all-time high. Handling this stress alone can be difficult enough. But when you add the new dynamics of your blended family, the holidays can seem downright impossible. Continue reading
By Ashley Maturo.
As a parent, you know how frustrating it feels when you can’t get your kids to stop misbehaving. No matter how many times you have tried to get them to settle down, they just don’t seem to want to listen. Punishment may seem like the easier solution but there are other, more positive ways a parent can get their child to cooperate that don’t involve the timeout chair. And you may have already noticed – punishment doesn’t improve behavior in the long run. Continue reading
Your older child was so excited about the new baby. But, now that your baby has arrived, he is uncooperative and sometimes acts like a baby, himself. Meanwhile, you’re trying to control your youngest as she starts to throw tantrums and learns the word “no.”
This scenario is all too common, but there are simple tools you can use to increase your children’s compliance and decrease your stress. Continue reading
PRESENTER: Aaron Weintraub, MS
Does your child have trouble connecting with others? Are you unsure about how to help?
Self-awareness and self-acceptance are the foundations of your child’s social life. Parents often struggle to strengthen these capacities in children.
During this live, online class you will gain practical skills that will help your child to:
– Build strong, healthy, lasting relationships
– Become more aware of himself and his surroundings
– Accept herself and accept those around her exactly as they are
Presenter: Aaron Weintraub, MS
Following the class you will be invited to join our private Facebook group in which you will have access to a community of caring parents like you, working to apply new parenting approaches. Our Peace At Home Parenting Facebook community will be a place to share challenges and successes. You will also have ongoing regular contact with Ruth Freeman, webinar trainer, through the Facebook community.
In addition, you will receive access to free monthly “Question and Answer” sessions in which you will be coached in applying the skills you learned in Peace at Home webinars and again you will connect with other parents working to improve skills.
If you are actually supporting your adult children who are over 50 years old and perceive that support to be co-dependence, I encourage you to do a few things:
- Consider what you are getting out of this support – what is your motivation and are their other more positive ways you could get those needs met?
- Reflect on any ways that your own childhood may be influencing these behaviors and work with a trusted friend, family member, faith leader or therapist to identify those issues and address them.
- Apologize to your kids for treating them like they are incapable if indeed there are no mental or physical deficits that justify this continued financial support.
- Consider using Al-Anon or other support groups to examine your tendency toward co-dependence. A sponsor can be a big help and you might find that your co-dependence is not only in relation to your children.
- Ask for support from loved ones and other trusted people in your life to make a plan to reduce and finally eliminate this support if you don’t believe it is the right thing for you and your children. Make a plan with dollar amounts diminishing over a planned period of time until the support ends if that is your goal.
- Be kind to yourself in this process. You started this arrangement out of love for your kids and you likely didn’t recognize the ways this dependence might not actually be supportive to them. None of us are perfect parents and almost all of us are always trying to do our best.
This is challenging when you have an ex-spouse situation wherein the ex provides unlimited funds without any expectations and you, as the other parent, are trying to instill some sort of financial responsibility
You are absolutely right about that but you can make a difference if you can make a financial arrangement with your child that is both firm and friendly. Set up your agreement and keep it. You are powerless over your ex-spouse but you can model a relationship with your adult child that is empowering and respectful. Refrain from lecturing or commenting about your child’s other parents in any negative ways. Your willingness to treat your adult child like he or she is capable and competent can be impactful in the long run even if it doesn’t look like it right now.
There is a lot of conflict with my daughter and husband/father and they triangulate through me on all these issues. I think we should see a family counselor together
Well, you could see a counselor together but you might try talking with your daughter and her husband and let them know that you want to support them both and will encourage your daughter to go back to her husband when she has issues with him. Express your confidence in their ability to work things out and their wisdom to know when to seek a counselor to help. I think that relationship between your daughter and her husband should take priority. If her father wants to meet with a counselor to help him improve his relationship with his daughter, you can certainly suggest that idea. If you and your husband and daughter want to see a counselor, that might help. But it is entirely your job to step out of that triangulation. You can tell your daughter and husband that you will listen to their concerns but you don’t want to be the go-between in any way and trust them to work it out, even if you don’t like how they do it! You can’t really be triangulated with your participation, so send them loving energy and step back and get support for yourself while you watch them struggle and hope they can find their way out of these conflicts. Accepting your own powerlessness with adult children is, from my point of view, one of our biggest challenges.