How do I talk to my child about vaping? by Heather Kobylinski, MA, SAC

E-cigarettes and vaping devices are the most recent fad among teens, leaving parents anxious and sometimes paralyzed with fear. This smokeless, odorless and innocuous device makes detection difficult and easily hidden. Every day, over 3,500 youths start vaping. Whether your child is using or not, you can be sure that they are exposed. The importance of making an informed decision is the first line of defence in prevention.

What exactly is Vaping?

Water vapor is emitted from the device instead of smoke. A small heating element turns the liquid into a vapor that is inhaled through a mouthpiece. This vapor is primarily odorless and difficult to detect. Each device requires “pods” that contain nicotine.  Nicotine is the addictive substance found in cigarettes and deemed “safe” by kids because of the absences of tar and ash found in tobacco products. Besides nicotine, these devices can contain harmful ingredients, including: ultra fine particles that can be inhaled deep into the lungs, flavors such as diacetyl, a chemical linked to serious lung disease, and volatile organic compounds. These “pods” are often sold in 6 packs and are marked with flavors that appeal to kids. Depending on how much you vape daily this habit can cost anywhere from $387 to $5000 per year. Products can be easily purchased on line as verified proof of age is not needed.

What’s the problem?

We know that adolescents' brains are under re-construction. Those regions in the brain that guide decision making and impulse control are still developing and not always online. The teen brain also inspires risk taking in ways that can impact health and safety. The long term effects of exposure to nicotine can include addiction, mood disorders, and permanently reduced impulse control. Nicotine can also affect the formation of brain synapses that control attention and learning.

Tips for talking to your kids about vaping

Keep the following in mind.

  1. Take time to cool off. Engaging in an angry and emotion filled discussion that is a result of a recent discovery or suspicion of your child's use, is counter productive. Step away and collect your thoughts. Avoid accusations, blame and name calling. Stick to the
    facts. For example:

    • I am deeply upset and worried about your use.
    • My main concern is your health and the addictive qualities of vaping.
    • We don’t support this and it will not be allowed in our home.
    • We will monitor your use and will look through your room and backpack as necessary to keep you safe until you can keep yourself safe.
  2. Take advantage of teachable moments. Let the news and current events open the dialog. If you have read an article or seen a program, share it with your child. Ask for their point of view on the issues. Make it more about a discussion than a lecture. The more your child knows and the more often you have open dialog about substances, the more likely these conversations will become routine for everyone in the family that it is safe to voice opinions, concerns and questions.
  3. Stick to the facts. This is important. Avoid judgement about smoking. Teens are already self- conscious and can often feel insecure during this complicated developmental stage. Judging choices made by your child or their friends will close the door to future conversations. Avoid put-downs and criticisms. Using “I Statements” will keep the discussion focused on your feelings about an issue rather than blaming or shaming someone for theirs. For example:
    • I am concerned about the health effects related to vaping. From what I have read there are many chemicals and their danger that have yet to be determined. What do you think about this?
    • I have noticed many ads and discussions about vaping and the unknown side effects. What have you heard?
    • Plan for this to be an ongoing conversation as it is not one that will result in a definitive solution.
  4. Make rules and expectations clear.  Just as you outline and discuss expectations regarding household chores and curfews, plan to be clear about rules and expectations about vaping and other substances. Communicate that you do not approve of use and your related concerns. Make the consequences meaningful and appropriate for the infraction. In addition, transparency about how you will enforce house rules is important. Be honest about how or if you will exercise your right to search their room or backpack as well as other items brought into your home.
  5. Get an expert involved. Asking your pediatrician or school counselor to speak to your child may be better received and will support and reinforce your messaging and guidance. Assure your child that this discussion will be confidential and not shared outside of the office. There are also many reliable government and professionally curated websites that can shed light on the evolving research.
  6. Allow for the natural consequences. Learning from the natural consequences their actions can increase teens’ sense of responsibility. Making excuses or interfering with consequences does not help your children in any way. Failure or disappointment at this age as it can prove to be the most impactful lesson and save more harsh consequences later in their young adult life.Keep in mind:
    • You know your child best. Educate yourself and use your best judgement when addressing vaping or other substance use with your child.
    • Stick to the facts and reserve judgement.
    • Make your expectations of family rules and consequences clear.
    • Reach out for help for yourself or your child.
    • Allow for natural consequences.

Parenting can be challenging and there are no perfect ways to meet your child’s needs. Open communication with your children and the parents of their friends, if possible, can facilitate ongoing education and discussions as well as promoting a unified front.

For more information:

If you are feeling concerned about your child’s involvement with vaping or other substances, please email us at info@peaceathomeparenting.com to arrange a private coaching session with a Peace At Home expert.

Coronavirus and my new life as a mom

Coronavirus and my new life as a mom

I have had the blessing of two children who are now young adults at the ages of 15 & 18 and then the added joy of their friends who are welcomed as family. We are a middle-class family, navigating our pursuit of happiness by doing the things we have to do to do the things we want to do. Coronavirus has, well, challenged that road – significantly. But I refuse to let it cause too much negative results.

A little background of how I found myself posting on Peace at Home Parentings blog. I am a woman of many hats: Mom, Wife, Coach, and Graphic/Web/Marketing specialist. Ironically, I met Ruth years ago when my children were young while taking her parenting class. That class falls under one of the top 10 things I have ever done as a parent. Now this was back in the day when you could congregate in person with no fears of community spread of the coronavirus pandemic, but the good news is that this type of class is probably actually better suited online (then you can hide your blushing when you realize perhaps you could have handled that parenting situation better... What I learned most of all was that prevention (usually through good communication) was the key a pretty peaceful household.

Now back to the situation at hand – Coronavirus. My husband, Director of Health (how convenient is that??? or not???), sat me down several days ago and said, "honey, our lives are going to change." He is not a man of many words, but who knew at the time what he was saying. As the perpetual optimist, I said, "I know, we got this." We were both right, at least so far.

And so it begins, my story and how I am going to take every life lesson I have learned as a parent and human being and apply it to address our new current norm, which is anything but normal.

Step 1: Take a deep breathe and hug yourself. As a mom, if you aren't in a good place, your kids know. Ruth once said, it is ok to lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes to gather yourself. The first time I did that, it wasn't to hug myself, but it did prevent carnage in the family communication system. Bottom-line, it works! Take some time for yourself and tactically find a happy place and get ready to spread it when you walk out that door.

Step 2: We are going to get through this. Yes it is going to be hard, but we are still dealing with a tough situation, but together we can behave in ways that the sacrifice can be short if we are smart, listen to the experts, ration our resources, and not panic. I recommend private coaching if you are feeling yourself unravel.

Step 3: If you have never experienced counseling, consider finding an outlet. Just as your car needs an oil change and a check up, sometimes resetting your mind is all you need to keep running well. Be pro-active, learn tactics before you need them. Take a FREE course from Peace at Home Parenting or take our full online Udemy class on 5-Steps to Positive Parenting (on sale for next 30 days for $19 using code CORONAVIRUS19

 

Navigate Screen Time: The New Normal 8pm 2/23 Facebook Live Event

February 18, 2021

Navigate Screen Time: The New Normal 2/23 Watch our FREE Facebook Live Event held on Tuesday, February 23> Presenters: Ruth Freeman LCSW Amy Alamar Ed D Autumn Cloud-Ingram LMSW Aaron Weintraub MS    

Help Young Children Play on their Own

October 19, 2020

By Cora Megan, M.A.  and JoAnn Robinson, PhD    Many parents are asking, “How am I supposed to homeschool my child AND work from home? I am not a teacher!” This can feel overwhelming and impossible. You are not alone. It is important to start small and plan no more than one or two activities for …

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How to Create a New Family Routine while Kids are Home from School 

May 17, 2020

No one can say how long we will be living in isolation. We don’t know if kids will be home from school for a month or if they will end up being home through the summer. What we do know is that children thrive on consistency. Consistent routines lead to more cooperation from kids. More …

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How to reduce screen time when kids have to be on screens for school?

May 15, 2020

You are usually so good at monitoring your child’s screen time. Maybe you practice Tech-Free Tuesday, or you limit video games to an hour, or you keep phones out of the bedrooms. But ever since the Coronavirus pandemic hit, you’re feeling like you’re losing the screen time battle. Kids are now home from school, but …

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Learn how to manage those “call backs and curtain calls” that most children love to make after lights out!

May 8, 2020

CONNECTICUT (WTNH) — “So many sleep problems,” said Dr. Lynelle Schneeberg, an assistant professor at Yale School of Medicine. “Just like adults are having problems, kids are having problems.” This author of “Become Your Child’s Sleep Coach” said kids are picking up on their parents’ anxiety during the coronavirus pandemic while also forming new habits …

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COVID 19 Navigate the New Normal as a Family

April 4, 2020

COVID 19 Navigate the New Normal as a Family Our current health crisis creates daily challenges that many of us have never experienced. Our children can’t easily spend time with their friends. We can’t just stop in at the local pizza place to chill out on a Friday evening. Our daily schedules are both gone …

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WTNH: Coronavirus closes schools: Expert advice about how to embark on ‘distance learning’ at home

March 24, 2020

by: Sarah Cody Posted: Mar 23, 2020 / 06:12 PM EDT / Updated: Mar 23, 2020 / 06:12 PM EDT (WTNH)– School looked different Monday as kids around the state set-up work stations in their own homes. Charlotte Smith has five kids, ranging in age from 4 to 10. Their schools started “distance learning” due …

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Coronavirus and my new life as a mom

February 26, 2020

Coronavirus and my new life as a mom I have had the blessing of two children who are now young adults at the ages of 15 & 18 and then the added joy of their friends who are welcomed as family. We are a middle-class family, navigating our pursuit of happiness by doing the things …

Read more

Aaron Weintraub

Expert: Limit kids’ screen time

MICHELLE FIRESTONE, Chronicle Staff Writer MANSFIELD — In today’s world, digital technology can sometimes feel like it has taken over our lives. Wednesday evening, Aaron Weintraub, a behavior specialist at Holiday Hill Day Camp & Recreation Center in Mansfield, told a group of Mansfield Middle School parents that, while digital devices can be used for …

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P@H on Channel 8 – WTNH Positive Co-Parenting Part 1

Exchange conflict for compromise and communication by Sarah Cody View at https://www.wtnh.com/on-air/connecticut-families/positive-co-parenting-part-1-exchange-conflict-for-compromise-and-communication/1731905496 BURLINGTON, Conn. (WTNH) – Divorce is difficult.  Oftentimes, mom and dad need to put aside contentious feelings to make sure their child still feels stable and secure.  News 8’s Connecticut Families is taking a two part look at how to co-parent in a positive way. “There were other times …

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It’s National Arts in Education Week, the perfect time to remember the many benefits that learning music, art, and drama bring to our children. Not only does Arts Education provide kids with the possibility of discovering a lifelong passion or creative career, but it also nurtures happiness, wellbeing, and inspiration – all things that can …

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7 Fun Internet-Based Activities for Educating Kids When They’re Stuck Indoors

7-kid-fun-activities-peace-at-home-parentingPhoto via Pexels

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When the weather takes a turn for the worse, children often turn to video games or television for their entertainment. Instead, take advantage of your kid being stuck inside to educate them with fun activities. Thanks to search engines and online platforms such as YouTube, there is a never-ending wealth of ideas to keep your child entertained while teaching them valuable academic and life lessons. Make their learning fun with some hands-on interactive education that your family can enjoy.

1. Get Out the Musical Instruments

According to Parents, learning an instrument can help improve children’s academic skills, develop their coordination and motor skills, refine their self-discipline and practice patience. There are numerous websites providing online music lessons for almost any instrument imaginable. You and your kid can even learn an instrument together, helping each other as you follow tutorials online.

2. Let Them Stretch Their Artistic Muscles

Kids love to draw and craft. These artistic activities let them work with their hands, express themselves, and explore their imagination. Luckily, there is no shortage of fun DIY ideas online to get your kid involved in art. You can even look up some drawing tutorials for kids to help them hone their fine motor skills. Also, painting videos for kids can teach them about color mixing and palettes.

3. Get Them Moving

Keeping kids active will improve their academic performance, cognitive abilities, and help them keep a positive attitude. When it’s raining, try out one of the fun indoor activities suggested by Today’s Parent. Or, look up some kid-friendly exercise videos on YouTube. Kids love dancing, yoga, and bouncing around as they follow the instructor in a fun exercise video.

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