7 Ways to Avoid Asking Your Kids 100 Times to Follow Directions

Peace at Home June 1, 2017 | Ruth Freeman

A parent recently asked me how to stay calm when asking her child to do something 100 times. She made me laugh, but this question really deserves a complex answer – the entire theory behind how to win cooperation. But here is the simple answer.

  • Don’t ask your child to do anything more than two times.
  • Set kids up for success by having a daily routine that includes important tasks taking place at the same time on a regular basis – such as clearing up public spaces, putting away toys, preparing meals and getting ready for transitions (morning and evening routines, departing for sports or other outside activities). This might mean that 15 minutes before dinner each day is pick up time for the whole family – except the cook.
  • Try to organize more challenging tasks to take place before more pleasant activities and use the “When, Then” format. “When you get dressed and have your backpack ready, then we will sit down to breakfast together and I am looking forward to that!” “As soon as your room is picked up, we will go to the park.” “If your homework is done by 7:00 we can watch that TV show together.” And then refrain from nagging, coaxing and reminding. Allow natural consequences to occur. Use enthusiastic praise as soon as task is completed.
  • Consider family meetings to talk about weekly chores and plan fun times together. Use family meetings to address chronic challenges, come up with solutions as a team and rotate leadership of those meetings.
  • Make sure that you spend positive, fun time with your child every day, just enjoying time together. Fill up their attention bank – so they don’t have to use misbehavior to get attention.
  • When your child follows directions use effective praise – describe the behavior in positive words and express yourself enthusiastically.
  • Remember that compliance is not really an important measure of your success as a parent. It is often overrated and leads to too much parent-child conflict. You want a child with strong self-worth, confidence, compassion and curiosity. 100% compliance isn’t necessary for all that.

And perhaps most important, reflect on your own ability to manage stress. It is called self-regulation. Most parents want their kids to develop self-control but that only comes when kids can regulate their own internal stressors – self-regulation. And they learn that essential skill from our modeling and their relationship with us. If you are wired, reactive or overwhelmed, it will be difficult for your children to calm down enough to follow directions and more importantly to develop internal controls.  Learn ways to bring your brain back to calm and in the long run it will help your child’s capacity for following directions.

For more parenting support, join us for an Upcoming Live Workshop, browse our Libraries of Quick Video Solutions and check out our podcasts and other resources.  Questions? Email us at Solutions@Peaceathomeparenting.com or learn more about our Corporate, School and NonProfit programs.

TOPICS

Related Posts

Peace at Home

Motherhood Penalty at Home and in the Workplace

Peace At Home founder, Ruth E. Freeman, LCSW recently sat down with inspiring Peace At Home teacher, Lucinda

Peace at HomeJanuary 23 , 2024
Peace at Home

Navigating Your Child's Concerns about Their Friend's Mental

When your child comes to you with concerns about a friend’s mental health, you are in a position

Peace at HomeJanuary 03 , 2024
Peace at Home

Gratitude is More Than Saying Thank You 

University of North Carolina Psychology Professor, Andrea Hussong, has conducted research on one of the most important questions

Peace at HomeNovember 22 , 2023
Peace at Home

Revamp Your Morning Routine with a Dash of

We all want to start our day with a sweet family connection before going our separate ways. But

Peace at HomeOctober 18 , 2023
Peace at Home

Give the Gift of Family Stories at Holiday

Family meals are associated with better school performance, fewer behavior problems and lower risk of substance use in

Peace at HomeOctober 16 , 2023
Peace at Home

5 Big Picture Strategies for Making Business Travel

Do you experience that sinking feeling when you need to travel for work?  Struggle with guilt and think

Peace at HomeSeptember 28 , 2023

Join our mailing lists for more parenting tips

Peace at Home